words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
