I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
