No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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