Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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