I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
