I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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