Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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