Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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