so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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