there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
