She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
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Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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