So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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