i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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