Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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