I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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