i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
