my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
