here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
