he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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