i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize