then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
