just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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