Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
