Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
