Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize