for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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