oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This is classic penis vs brain.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
