She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
