i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
