That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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