Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
