A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
someone owes me an orgasm
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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