i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize