i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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