He is an equal opportunity slut.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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