how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
