A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
