I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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