Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
