Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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