I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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