shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
