Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Come on in and take your pants off
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