I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
