idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
