never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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