I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
