I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I will pee on everything he values.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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