I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
