You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize