So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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