I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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