I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
