i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?