So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
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He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
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My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink