can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon