I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.