Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.