is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better