Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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