god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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