dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
