You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
