I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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