Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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